Friday, June 17, 2016

Broken hearted

As a mother this week my heart has been broken.  As I rocked my son to sleep Monday night I thought of all the parents planning funerals for their 20 something year old children.  Children they rocked and kissed and cuddled as two year olds.  Parents who are trying to remember the smell of their child's hair and the sound of his laugh.

Last night as I fought the bedtime battle (and won for the first time this week) I thought of another set of parents who would give anything for one more bedtime battle.

I can't think on these things too long because it gives me anxiety. I cannot be with my children 24 hours a day.  Even if I could I could not protect them from everything. There are children every day who are diagnosed with cancer and other life threatening illnesses. There is no way to protect them against these things.

In our hyper media driven world, where we see tragedy in real time, that so many people need medication for anxiety. There are days when I wish I had something on hand to take. On those days when a anxiety creeps in and I find it hard to breathe I remember I have a good, loving Father in heaven who loves my babies more than I do. And a Father who loves me just as much. In those moments I pray for peace. Peace for myself, peace for those who are hurting, peace for those who are afraid.

I do not serve a God who is like a fairy in the sky granting wishes.  It doesn't work that way. I have had my share of requests to God answered in a way I did not like. But I pray His will be done in my life. And I pray for the grace to give Him all the praise for everything in my life.

There are still days when I want to buy bubble wrap in bulk and not let my kiddos out of the house. But I take a deep breath and fine a way to send my heart wrapped in the flesh of my babies out the door to live and enjoy life. And I pray again.

Please let me know how I can pray for you and peace in your life.

Don't walk this scary road of motherhood alone.

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